Monday, June 14, 2010

The Shadowlands

Mom's cancer has returned and spread.  
With a bit of vengeance it seems.
The oncologist's conclusion of the matter?  
A year and a half with treatment - treatment being the operative word here...
Conventional Chemotherapy (somewhat indiscriminately applied here in North America) 
annihilates the immune system at the same time, a route Mom has gone before and is understandably, unwilling to repeat.
That makes a bleak prognosis even bleaker.
So, after much due consideration we are headed to Germany's Leonardis Klinic
where optimal individualized care is the founding principle.
The Leonardis Premise
Our individual treatment concept encompasses
special innovative methods, such as
chemosensitivity testing, gene molecular and
enzyme tests. The results of these tests enable us
to find out which substances the patient optimally
reacts to and to determine the maximum doses of
these tested substances which the patient can
tolerate (in order to reduce the side effects to a
minimum) as well as the type of metabolization of
these substances in the patients body.
At the same time we can determine prognosis
methods and lay down preventive measures (among
others reduction of heavy metal load etc.) on the
basis of these immunological tests (of blood, urine
and mucous membrane). According to these data
we can develop an optimally individualized therapy
and nutrition concept for the specific patient in
concern.
It just seems to make a whole lot more sense given the circumstances.
Tentatively, this may be a three week stay for mom.  My sister and I will share the privilege of making this journey with her.  Many of you go with us in spirit and for this we are humbled and grateful.  Your prayer support is earnestly sought for traveling mercies and especially for finding peace and comfort in whatever God ordains.  
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will  fear no evil.
For you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.  Psalm 23:4

Thursday, May 6, 2010

House Rules and Asperger's



It's been a crazy few months around here for varying reasons. I saw a fondly held dream of mine unfold right before my eyes (& ears) last week with about 75 others, holed up in the great acoustic chamber of a church to record 19 songs for a new CD recording
accompanied by more than a dozen very gifted musicians!
Talk about surround sound.
The experience was both amazing & exhausting.
Two grueling recording sessions culminated in a
Grand Finale Concert
on the Friday evening of last week.
I am consistently plagued by euphoric terror as we approach these events but the response of a truly wonderful audience set me so much at ease, I quite frankly had the time of my life!
The spirit of our theme: Ephesians 5: 19,20 went ringing loud and clear that night -
Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs.
Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
I did however, need to stay in house and jammie-clad for at least three days afterward
for a time of recovery. The fact is, a whole week later I'm still chillin'....
I've been listening to HOURS of unedited audio and am regularly stirred to tears. First for the sheer joy of what I am hearing and then .... how do I say this? I feel almost embarrassed to realize how slavishly everyone worked to bring to this project, the caliber it owns.
*******
And I've treated myself to reading again.
Silence too, can be sublime.
A thoughtful family member gifted me with a hard cover copy of Picoult's newest work of fiction with a firm suggestion to put my feet up and rest awhile with it which is precisely what I've done. The couch, outside Muskoka chair, and a high back library lounger have never seen so much of me -- to the utter abandonment of any so called house rules around this place.....
There's a haphazardness around here that must be (and beloved? it will be) addressed but first....
..... the disconnect that sadly developed with my little grandpeeps due to my hectic schedule could only be restored with a minimum two night sleep-over.
Hence, the delightful haphazardness continues to reign supreme for a wee bit longer.
And doesn't the DVD player dare to malfunction at this critical juncture?
Little Einsteins & Fifi and the Flowertots by laptop it is.
Naps? Whatever. When a thumb will do nicely??
Yes, I know the temperature is dropping as we speak but I heated the water....
Och....my little leapster, it's so good to be snuggling with you again.
Lazing around, drinking.
The book I just finished was fascinating for subject matter it tackled - the fairly recent phenomena of Asperger's Syndrome - the rise of it's appearance and effect on interpersonal relationships.
Do you have any Aspie's in your life? Could you be one yourself?
House Rules is fictional but the subject matter is most definitely not.
Sadly, the author employs enough raunch and expletives to make a drunken sailor sit up and take notice - *sigh*
...so I'd recommend a search engine to tap into the glut of information now available to those who know of, care for and love an Aspie.
The story and arduous work by Craig.Kendall@AspergersSociety.org for the love of his son and family is decidedly non-fictional and very much worth a serious look.
From his site:
Asperger’s Syndrome was first defined by Dr. Hans Asperger in 1944, when he identified symptoms that included a lack of empathy, an inability to form friendships, one-sided conversation, intense absorption in a special interest, and clumsy motor skills in a study of boys who were autistic. Prior to this, autism was thought to be a symptom of schizophrenia. But Dr. Asperger felt that these “little professors” – as he called them – could contribute to community. A lot of Dr. Asperger’s work was lost in a bomb attack during World War II and his findings weren’t translated into English until after his death in 1980.
It wasn’t until the 1990s that his findings gained acceptance, and that Asperger’s syndrome became a diagnosis for high-functioning autistics worldwide.
*******
The 2pm yawning stretch has struck with a vengeance and the three musketeers are tucked away in their beds with an armful of books apiece to enjoy some 'quiet time' -- code for:
yer grandma needs a nap :)
Talk to you again soon.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Late night (early morning?) Ramblings

I love these people. I call them my choir peeps. They are 25 strong and are working very hard with me preparing for a CD recording in two weeks time. We are singing an album entitled
Great Hymns of Faith and Other Favourites along with the CCS kid's choir (which is 37 peeps strong) plus a full scale orchestra. I am up at this ridiculous hour filled with the typical terrified euphoria that always grips me as we approach deadline..... it's a strange type of 'happy' terror that propels me to reach for the best we can be but remembers
to enjoy it at the same time.
Does that make any sense to you?
.... Ah well, do late night ramblings ever make sense?
Don't bother answering that.
Just know, I am happy - even at this hour.

When words leave off, music begins. ~Heinrich Heine

Truly to sing, that is a different breath. ~Rainer Maria Rilke

Music is the shorthand of emotion. ~Leo Tolstoy
C.S. Lewis Song lyrics

If I find in myself, desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined - I'm compared

[CHORUS]
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me

Am I lost or just less found?
On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
Is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
'Cause my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become [CHORUS]

[BRIDGE]
For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming

Monday, March 29, 2010

Sundays. What's not to love?

Family Feastage and Fellowship
Interrupting play for the call to the family dinner table
But what if I put that flashlight safely BESIDE my plate?
Asparagus and mashed potatoes... uhm...
But what's this I hear?
!?!....Ice cream for dessert?
Ice cream with sprinkles you say??
..... and CHOCOLATE!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

While I'm Waiting



I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting Lord

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Willing

Click on the post title to link to her site where you can listen to her song
as I have done many times already -
may He bless your heart by it as He has done
many times already
.... for mine.

Willing

Carolyn Arends

You want the best for me but I don’t want to take it
Today the best just seems to cost too much
I know to mend a heart sometimes You have to break it
But I don’t have the strength to choose that love

But I am willing – to be willing
And I am ready to be moved
And I am longing – for the longing
That pulls me close to You


The only place that I am filled is at Your table
And still I starve myself day after day
I cannot choose Your will unless You make me able
That’s why You say You are the only way

Chorus

I’ll send the guards away who keep my heart
I’m making space for You, a place to start

Chorus

Please pull me close to You

They pull me close to You!


Grandpa? I see you there ...
taking pictures of the work you did in the backyard...
Grandpa? When can we play in it? Is it today?
Can it be NOW?
Will you play with us there?
But Grandpa? This is not really where we want to BE right now ....
Yeah! THAT'S where we want to go ....
Grandpa? You are the best ever...

Grandpa? We LOVE you very much!