Monday, January 10, 2011

One day at a time....

My blog is my journal.  A place where I unravel and 'process' - always agonizing overlong on most posts - tweaking, refurbishing and generally driving myself nuts.
My ever cautious Beloved (with the ultra private personality) often wonders aloud what possesses me to disclose so much of myself to just ... anybody.
But I simply replicate the now famous words of my late mother:  that's just the way it is.
Apparently, many of mom's friends were also keenly aware of her decidedly firm state of mind on most issues - and somehow after the funeral, there was this old adage circulating...something about an apple not falling far from its tree.  :)
So if I must, I shall wear that mantle with both pride and humility - if such an oxymoronic style exists.

I hope someday to have my daughter teach me how to convert this blog into a hardcover book, and then snippets of my earthly sojourn will remain on a dusty shelf in our home library for any interested persons of posterity.
The reader will know one thing for sure - for good or for bad, I'm an open book.
My hubby groans reading this over my shoulder.
The reader will know one other thing for sure - the discovery (in the past thirty years) of a divine sense of humour, living with my well/cleverly appointed other half.  I could write a book about that.
Hence the groaning.

So.  The next stage of my journey will be coming to terms of an earthly life without mom nearby.
I thought I'd feel run over by a truck by now.  But no.  I thought maybe I'd just feel empty.  But no.
... At least not yet.
I feel too grateful to God for His overwhelmingly specific and speedy answer to our prayer(s) - for giving us the enormous privilege of waving her off on the riverbank - for bringing Nicole back into her life before having to leave it behind - for the realization of how rich she was in faithful, affirming friendship...
On Sunday, I could re-connect with my own church family - and then ultimate dessert!.... reveling in the company of my preschool peeps over dinner 
and a delightfully squishy viewing of the Curious George Movie on laptop. 
(Laptop just took on a whole new meaning :) 
My conclusion thus far?  It's not a crime against mom to 'enjoy' these first days of mourning.
On the contrary, I will 'credit' her by attempting to adopt her hard-won conviction of Matthew 6:34:
Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  
Each day has enough trouble of its own. 
Yep.  One day at a time.  
Walk by faith, not sight.

1 comment:

  1. From Facebook...

    Sheila Kamstra, Wendy Oostdyk-Verwey, Jackie Hordyk and 3 others like this.

    Elsa Devries DeGelder
    How tenderly and powerfully God is carrying you.
    I knew He would.
    Much love and prayer.
    January 11 at 6:30am via Facebook Mobile · Like

    Anita Kamstra Poort
    January 11 at 6:58am · Like

    Yolanda Vanleeuwen
    The Lord has blessed you with an incredible way with words. To quote, "for giving us the enormous privilege of waving her off on the riverbank". I totally understand this feeling. I never felt closer to God then I did the day my father passed away. We are praying for continued strength for you and your family!
    January 11 at 7:10am · Like

    Diane Bosscher
    Joanne, I just love your way with words, and your amazing faith! Your children can call you blessed! What a comforting thought that the Lord carries us in such wonderful ways. May He continue to do so and carry you on in this journey of faith.
    January 11 at 7:31am · Like

    Marie Kegel Kieft
    beautiful Joanne...
    January 11 at 7:48am · Like

    Thea Heyink
    You and your well appointed other half are a mirror of me and my late beloved. He used to veto anything that had anything to do with him on my blog, until he became ill. Then one day he said to me, "These phone calls from everyone are exhausting. Maybe you can start a blog about how I'm doing. Then I don't have to repeat myself 50 times." That blog saved our sanity. Pray you will never have to have one of them. All privacy flees in time of illness.
    Be sure to let yourself grieve, friend. Don't bottle it up, let it out one day, for it will come, and it will feel good too, afterward. But enjoy your days of peace too. Thinking and praying for you and yours.
    January 11 at 10:34am · Like · 1 person


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